One of the highlights of my weekend was getting to meet January Harshe from Birth Without Fear. I discovered her blog while I was still pregnant, and I was constantly devouring birth stories. Her blog was such an inspiration for me. All the beautiful stories of natural births really helped encourage me in my decision to go medication-free, but there are also stories of medicated births and cesareans. January’s philosophy on birth is simple:
Birth is not a competition. A Birth Without Fear is different for each mother. How one woman births doesn’t make her better than another. How one woman births doesn’t make her less than another. It is HER birth and hers alone. It’s not to be judged, ridiculed or mocked. It’s not to be compared to. Each woman’s birth belongs to her. Each woman’s story is valid. Each woman’s choice is to be respected. Everyone woman deserves support. Birth is sacred and leaves an imprint that settles deep within a woman’s soul and that is marvelous.
When I found out I could have the chance to meet her prior to the conference at the Birth Without Fear Breakfast sponsored by NuRoo and Earth Mama Angel Baby, I jumped on it. I went in expecting to have her talk to us about her birth story and how BWF got its start, and she did tell us a little bit about that, but the majority of the breakfast was her just listening to us all talk about our own births.
She asked us to describe our births in one or two words. For Charlie’s birth, I chose “blessed.” I have come to realize just how fortunate Adam and I were to get the birth we wanted, and how lucky we were that Charlie arrived into this world happy and healthy. So many mothers can’t say that, and learning about other women’s struggles with birth trauma has sparked a passion in me that I never would have expected. I’m actually hoping to start school in the fall to become a certified nurse midwife so that I can help other women have the births they want, and January and the community she built have been huge factors in that. So getting to actually meet her and hug her and tell her how much she has inspired me was a real honor.
At the actual conference, we got to listen to January talk at more length about her own births, which include two cesareans, a hospital VBA2C, and two unassisted VBACS at home. Preparing herself for each birth required her to revisit her fears and working through them. January’s advice for achieving your ideal birth was to create a bubble. Only include those in your bubble who support your choices, and, as she put it, “Anyone who doesn’t support me gets a throat-punch OUT of my bubble!”
January demonstrates proper throat-punch technique.
Have a friend who keeps telling you they could never have a home birth because they care to much about their baby’s well-being? Throat-punch. Have a doctor who doesn’t support your attempt at a VBAC? Throat-punch! One mother even asked what to do about a non-supportive husband. January didn’t necessarily advocate a throat-punch in that situation, but she did have a very good answer:
January: Do you want the P.C. answer, or the January Harshe answer?
[pause]
Mom in the audience: …both?
January: The January Harshe answer is, “Last time I checked, it was my body.” [...] The P.C. answer is that he’s concerned about his wife and he wants to make sure you’re okay.
She went on to say that while our partners definitely love our babies, they love us first and have a great deal of concern over our health and well-being. She indicated that the best way to approach a situation like this was to talk to them about why we want to make the choices we want to make, and to show our partners the evidence behind VBACs, unmedicated births, and a hands-off approach to birthing. Tell them why you trust your body, and they will begin to trust it, too.
Adam has always been on-board with natural birthing, but after listening to January talk, I think we are both starting to think about how we will approach our next birth. Will Charlie get to see his little brother or sister arrive in our own home? Perhaps. Only time will tell, and we will have a lot of thinking and soul-searching to do when it comes time to make that decision. But January gave us some great food for thought, and whatever we choose, it will be a birth without fear.
Big thanks to January Harshe for sacrificing her weekend to come out and see us here in Kansas! I hope to see you again at next year’s MommyCon, and if I could make a suggestion… Kansas City would be a great place for a Birth Without Fear conference!
